The word Flow represents so many things: movement, ease, softness, something that is constant, evolutionary but mostly it’s something without beginning or end. Infinite.
The initial idea behind FlowArte was using my watercolor work to design beautiful leggings for movement artists, like dancers or aerial yogis. But I also suspected that the idea would eventually change and I wanted a name that would work with anything that I wanted to do.
The only thing I was sure about was that it would be art related. But I knew, because of my personal history, that I wouldn’t stick with a single thing forever.
I’ve been extremely hard on myself because of this. I mean EXTREMELY.
I have put myself down in ways that I would never do to others. In fact when a friend has come to me with almost the same problem, I offer her comfort and encouragement and emphasize that she’s exactly how and who she’s supposed to be. And I believe it.
So why can’t I do the same for myself?
During my MBSR workshop there was a moment when the instructor asked: how do you practice self-care? And I went humph! I work out, I sleep well… I… I…
And it struck me: I do not practice self-care at all. I am constantly pushing to what’s next and evaluating progress/success in terms that are completely external. I castigated myself for money spent, for money not spent, for forgetting something on my calendar, for staying in, for going out. For not trying “hard enough” but mostly for not focusing.
During 2017, every time I had a new idea, I would stomp on it.
I used to relish each and every one.
I was doing a small business program and I was going to make it work! I had to focus on ONE thing.
But before I knew it, my head was creating all sorts of alternate universes, artworks, stories, ideas. I was reading more books, novels, graphic novels, etc.
I was discovering plant based eating, new ways of writing. I was practicing realistic portraits AND illustrative portraits, I was painting flowers, and jewels and animals.
I couldn’t, for the life of me, just do one thing.
FlowArte is my creative playground.
FlowArte is where I experiment with words, pictures, and ideas.
FlowArte is where I draw and paint.
FlowArte is where I write about my take on creativity.
FlowArte today is watercolor but tomorrow it might be collage, or ink drawings.
You can be two or three things at once. And today I had the perfect example. This is the most beautiful short movie I have ever seen. She embodies my ideal of what FlowArte represents. Soft movement, freedom, without a single direction. It’s just fluidity in action.
She is a deep diver, a dancer and a filmmaker.
Well, I’m a writer, designer and visual artist with a penchant for philosophy.
If I publish paintings with quotes, if I create leggings because watercolor represents movement and I write my e-zine about a wide range of topics is it confusing?
I am so tired of fighting who I am and how I am. Of course there is always the financial issue and how focusing on one thing would probably give me better results but I’m not able to. Too many years trying and not succeeding and being blocked because I’m waiting to find something that will pull me in and not let me go.
I haven’t found it yet.
I have endless curiosity. I do not know what boredom is.
I still have to explore. I still have to try things, I still have to trust myself. I still have to negotiate with my own little negative voice about my ability, skill or talent.
2018 has so far been about answering that question about self-care. I used to think it was to drill positive thoughts into my head, despite the fact that I’m a happy pessimist or a negative optimist, however you want to see it.
Going down the wellness rabbit hole, double-guessing my choice of workout, food or habit. But self-care, I think, is striking a truce with that thing in yourself that provokes a battle. Once the peace treaty is in place, that pinch in your heart eases up.
So on we go.